Life's Meaning

I had a carefree life.  I smoked, got drunk, hung out, went to the beach, and danced til’ dawn. My day job broke the monotony of it all.  Work was just something that made me look forward to the end of each day.  All I ever had to think about was myself.  I never had to worry about the future because it all seemed so sure and predictable.  

I saw the men in my life as temporary fixtures, existing for a time when I needed them, to learn something, and to grow as a person.  When they have served their purpose, it was relatively easy for me to let go and move on.

Through it all, life felt pointless.  Empty.

And then Broddy came along.  I was head over heels, ignoring friends’ warnings that it could just be a passing frenzy.  Because during that time, I felt it… that inexplicable feeling of knowing that you are faced with The Rest of Your Life.  For the first time in my life, I could see myself spending the rest of my life with someone.  And it felt right.  Even almost tangible.  And even during that time of weakness when I was undecided about committing to a future with him, a sudden twist of fate made that decision for me.  Joaquin happened. 

Who would have known that so much would happen in a few years?  We have grown a lot since then.  We have matured beyond what we expected and imagined.  Our relationship has changed… in some ways to our detriment… but in more ways for the better.  Joaquin became The Reason.  The reason for everything we had to go through since we met, and for everything that happened even before that.  Joaquin is the reason why we had to go through all of life’s ups and downs.  It was all just a test of our integrity, endurance, patience, perseverance, strength, and Faith.  We were being taught how to be responsible for someone else totally dependent on us.  We were being taught Unconditional Love.  Life was molding us into what we are now:  Parents.

I’ve read so many books and articles about finding Life’s meaning, because just like the rest of the world, I had no idea what it is.

But maybe Life’s meaning is different for each of us.  To me, Life may mean Broddy, Joaquin, and this new life growing inside of me.  But whatever Life’s meaning may be for any of us, one thing that weaves it all together must be one thing: Love.  May it be love for someone close to us, for a stranger, for oneself, or for a Supreme Being... it is the universal concept that holds all of us together in that complicated web of existence. 

The roller coaster of Life is far from ending.  I know that we will go through so much more trials as a couple, and as a family.  I count myself one of the lucky few to have found Love so early in my life, and to have the chance to share it with my Better Half.  With my family, I celebrate the heartaches and joys of Life, and I embrace Love in all its glory.

I love you, Broddy and Joaquin.  Thank you for being Life’s Meaning.